“Leaders must either invest a reasonable amount of time attending to fears and feelings, or squander an unreasonable amount of time trying to manage ineffective and unproductive behaviour.” (Brené Brown, Dare to Lead)

Running a business is a human endeavour, and as such, every business leader will eventually find themselves faced with a skilled, reliable employee who starts showing signs that something is deeply wrong outside of work. Maybe their performance dips suddenly, or perhaps they’re distracted, tearful, or inexplicably short-tempered? Maybe they even come to you directly and share something deeply private? In that moment, you’re no longer just an employer managing output and payroll. You become, whether you’re ready for it or not, a human being navigating someone else’s pain. The way small business owners handle these moments has a profound effect not only on the individual concerned, but on team morale, workplace culture, and the long-term health of the business itself. Here’s what you need to do.

Create a safe space for the conversation

The first, and often hardest, step is simply opening the door. Many managers notice something is wrong but say nothing, hoping it will resolve itself. If you observe a genuine change in an employee’s behaviour or performance, it is important that you request a quiet, private meeting and approach it gently.

Avoid framing it as a performance issue at this stage. Instead, lead with concern, “I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed yourself lately. Is everything okay?” That single question can be transformative. It signals that you see the person, not just the output. During this conversation you should simply listen, acknowledge what you are hearing and resist the temptation to offer advice or opinions. In short, be a decent human rather than a boss.

Know your obligations (and your limits)

Once you understand the situation, it’s important to consider both your legal responsibilities and your personal boundaries. Depending on the nature of the crisis, you may have obligations around statutory sick pay, flexible working requests, or reasonable adjustments. Reread your employment contracts and HR policies. If your business doesn’t yet have clear wellbeing policies, this is a timely moment to create them. We will be able to help you establish budgets for contingencies such as freelancer assistance or added sick leave.

Equally, be honest with yourself about what you can and cannot provide. You are not a counsellor, and it is neither fair nor appropriate to position yourself as one. Pointing the employee towards professional support, your Employee Assistance Programme if you have one, or external resources is neither cold nor unreasonable.

Agree on a practical plan together

Once the initial conversation has taken place, work collaboratively with your employee to agree on a short-term plan. This might involve a temporary reduction in hours, a period of remote working, adjusted responsibilities, or a phased return following their absence. The key word here is collaboratively. Imposing a solution, however well-intentioned, can feel patronising and could risk legal issues. Asking what would help communicates respect and encourages autonomy at a moment when the person may feel they have very little control over their own life. Document whatever is agreed, not to create a paper trail, but to give both parties clarity and to prevent misunderstandings further down the line.

Privacy is paramount

Whatever an employee chooses to disclose, they are placing enormous trust in you. Do not share the details of their situation with colleagues or outsiders, even with the best intentions. If their absence or change in role requires some explanation to the wider team, keep it vague: “[Name] is dealing with a personal matter and we’re supporting them through it.” That is sufficient. Even well-meaning gossip can be devastating to someone already feeling vulnerable. And it also sends a powerful signal to every other member of your team about how their own confidences might be handled in the future.

Check in, don’t check up

Once a plan is in place, maintain regular, low-pressure contact. A brief message or a five-minute conversation every week or two shows continued care without adding pressure. There is a meaningful difference between checking in and checking up, which can feel like surveillance. As time passes, gently begin to reintegrate normal expectations, always communicating changes clearly and compassionately rather than simply shifting the goalposts.

The bottom line

Employees who are supported through personal crises often emerge more committed, more resilient, and more loyal than before. That outcome doesn’t happen by accident. It happens because someone in a position of authority chose to lead with humanity.